Parenting: Sports

Two minutes of tips for being a "good sport" parent.

There is a ton of great information for sports parents stuffed into this 2-minute clip. Leslee Brady from Positive Coaching Alliance gives great advice for parents of children involved in sports. Here are three hints she gives on how to be a “good sport” parent:

1.       Watch another child than your own.  Okay, this may sound weird because you come to the game to watch YOUR child. But, it is good advice to follow every once in a while because it gives you the kind of perspective a coach has. It helps to reinforce that the event is about the game and about what the players learn – it is not just about your child.

2.        Learn when to discuss the game.  When your children are young, they don’t want to discuss the game and analyze every move and play. They are at a level where everything is new, and they learn as much as they can during practice and play. As you child gets older, he or she may appreciate discussing the game – but even then, sometimes we just let the coach handle it and as parents play the part of encourager.

3.       Ask how the team did. This is especially good advice because it is a reminder to both parent and athlete that teamwork is the goal. This line of questioning will encourage empathy by encouraging your young athlete to think about others. Empathy will make your child a better teammate and a better athlete.

Leslee Brady’s best advice comes when she reminds us that our children learn most when they fail and struggle with challenges. It is important that we foster learning – instead of shame – during these difficult times. This kind of learning builds resilience which is an important life skill.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5: 3-5, ESV

Parenting: Conversation

We talk with our children over the course of the day but rarely think about the learning in those conversations, even in the conversations with the young ones. Watch this clip and think about the lessons this little one is learning because of the care and patience her mother has in talking with her.

Here are a few of the lessons learned:

1. Wendy is learning vocabulary that helps her to express emotions such as love, tiredness, fear, and calm.

2. She is developing what is called theory of mind - an understanding that her thoughts and feelings are separate from others. Is the dog tired or am I tired? Does my mom need to calm down or do I need to calm down?

3. She is learning the difference between words that are mean and words that do not say what she wants to hear.

4. When her mother responds with a gentle, firm tone in words that simply explain why, she is learning to think about her actions.

5. Wendy is learning to feel comfort in the knowledge that her mother is not only responsive to her needs but is also in charge.

All of this from a short conversation!  The lessons are learned when they are experienced over and over, again. 

A faith - filled parent is teaching more than vocabulary and conversation. The time given to conversation, the gentleness and persistence, the guidance and forgiveness, of everyday conversion speaks of the faith given to parents and shared with their children. 

 For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. (Matthew 10:20, ESV)

 

Parenting: Family Dinner

Bruce Feiler discusses family dinners

Take six minutes out of your day and watch this video clip. As parents we know that family dinner time is important, but as members of busy families in an overly busy world, it is difficult to keep a commitment to eating together as a family everyday.

What I like about this clip is that it not only reminds us what research tells us about family dinner, but it also gives practical suggestions on how to carve out time for conversation - even if we cannot manage an hour-long family meal. 

This clip avoids producing guilt in favor of encouraging change.

Family dinner time not only develops self-regulation in children but it also develops a sense of self-esteem and resilience. When families talk about family history - the good and the bad - children discover who they are. When families talk about daily events - the good and the bad - children learn that we can survive failure and learn from mistakes.

Family dinner is also an important time to share your faith. Certainly having family devotions at this time is important, but also talking about forgiveness when discussing a mistake, talking about how trusting God, talking about how God helps us to make good choices - this also teaches your child that faith is a part of every aspect of our lives.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Psalm 34:8a

Parenting: Thank You Notes

Should we make children write thank you notes?

Christmas presents are opened and wrapping paper thrown away. New gifts have been folded into old possessions with toys on the shelf and clothes hanging in the closet.  Now it is time for the dreaded thank-you-note routine.

This NPR story brings up a good question: should we force children to write thank you notes if they are not sincere? Will we promote a bad attitude about thank you notes or, if we don't make this requirement, will we teach that gratitude is not important?

I think it depends on your goal. 

If we teach children that we have to write thank you notes because it is expected, then I doubt that the action will promote sincere gratitude. But, if we understand that the goal is to teach empathy, then our actions might have a more desirable result.

Child development experts used to think that young children were incapable of empathy. Recent research shows that children as young as 18 months are capable of understanding the desires of another person. They just aren't very practiced at it. 

I love the suggestion of the article to allow children to do less conventional thank you notes. When completing this task with my young children we often got out the watercolor paints or other art tools and created pictures for each person receiving a thank you. I think this can be a great way to show thanks, even for older children.

What is important is that children learn that the gift giver thought about the child and what the child might like. The thank you sent by the recipient should ideally do the same. It doesn't mean that the child should be forced to show insincere gratitude. 

A forced thank you note is an expression of law. Empathy is an expression of grace. The attitude of gratitude comes from a place of grace, not law.

It is right to refrain from forcing children to give an insincere thank you. However, if you do not teach a child such actions how will he or she learn them? Teach your child empathy and let God grow gratitude out of that learning.

Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth: unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever.     (Psalm 86:11-12, ESV)

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Parenting:Vaccines Work!

VACCINES WORK!

Too many people are passing on lifesaving vaccinations because of wrong information. To skip vaccinations not only puts your child at risk, but also adds risk to the lives of children who are unable to take vaccinations. Please click on this info graphic by Maki Naro, and learn the truth about this gift from God that helps to keep our children healthy and safe.

Resource: Sign Language

Click on this picture to see the story of the Grinch!

I fell in love with American Sign Language many years ago. I cannot dance well with my feet, but I can make my hands dance with sign. It is a wonderful, expressive language. Watch this clip with your children and help them to read the signs. Ask your children to describe how each character in the story feels. This young girl is a genius at expressing emotions through signs.

I recommend you go to the site that posted this clip.

ASLnook is designed by this young girl's parents and has a wealth of resources to connect the spoken word to the signed word. 

When I taught kindergarten and first grade, I used sign language to help children to develop language skills. I even did some research that indicated sign language helped my students to learn to read. Exploring another language helps children to develop their first language.

As you explore sign language with your children help them to understand that children that are different from them are not defective. God did not create this child and then say "Oops, I forgot to give her hearing!" God creates His children just the way they are. 

And He loves them just the way they are - no more, no less.

Exposure to different languages not only enhances your child's intelligence, but it enhances the skill of empathy. Through this process, differences can become something interesting with the potential for learning and friendship instead of the threat of fear.

Children: Anger

 

There are several good things about this note:

1. This angry child is writing a note instead of screaming. This behavior shows excellent self-regulation. He or she has learned how to handle anger and to communicate in a safe and effective way.

2. This child is giving himself or herself a time-out. My guess is that the ban on communication did not last for two days - all day. The two-day ban tells more about the intensity of the anger than the child's need for alone time.

3. The child expresses anger but does not attempt to manipulate. Children need to learn to deal with anger and with parent decisions that can cause anger. Children need to know that they are loved even when they hear the word "no."  

4. It demonstrates that this child understands, knows, and receives unconditional love. This child knows that love is stronger than anger - even a really big anger.

5. This child has learned empathy. He or she can express anger, but still remember to express love because that is what has been experienced in the past. 

Never underestimate the power of unconditional love!

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. (I John 4:16, ESV)