Integrating the Faith: Mercy

I love this clip of a basketball team showing kindness to another team because it teaches an important lesson about mercy. A private school team regularly played against a team from a detention center. The detention center team never had people to cheer them on so some members of the team convinced half the crowd to cheer for the opposing team. It was a memorable event for all involved.

Parenting is all about training children to be kind, productive, and successful. It is easy to concentrate on behavior and the application of reward and punishment. We naturally want to discourage poor behaviors and encourage positive ones.

Yet, that is only half the picture. It is easy to argue that the team from the detention center did not deserve to be cheered – they have each been convicted of a felony offense! But, did you notice the effect the fan support had on the team members? It was memorable and touching. 

As children of God we receive mercy from our Heavenly Father. We are poor miserable sinners and do not deserve any of the blessings in our lives. God shows us mercy in that He sent His Son to die for us in spite of, and because of, our sin.

God loves us anyway.

Make sure your children know they are loved – especially when they have sinned. 

Mercy and forgiveness are the other half of the loving discipline equation.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved - and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:4-8

Parenting: Grace Abounds

This NPR blog post came up on my Facebook feed this morning. I found it interesting because it is written by someone in the same field I study: cognitive and developmental psychology. 

What she writes is good advice – from a psychology point of view. However, something BIG is missing. 

Here is the article:

When she talks about rats and levers she is referring to behaviorism and methods that involve punishment and reward. She is pointing out a “gap” in parenting because knowing a behavior is wrong is not enough to stop it. She encourages parents to go beyond punishment and reward to change behavior.

Her words are good advice, but not enough.

When we punish and reward our children, or when we punish and reward ourselves as parents, we are applying the law. The law is good; it shows us what God expects, it shows us how we fall short, it shows us we need God. 

But, if we use law alone, we create a gap between us and God. Punishment, reward, and adherence to the law will never close that gap.

God closes it with grace, with mercy, with forgiveness and with the unconditional love that caused Him to send His Son to redeem us from our sins and to send His Spirit to work in our hearts.

Secular parenting advice can give us new techniques and help us to think about what we do as parents – but it can never fill the gap.

If you are hoping to become a better parent here is what God recommends:

Repent - so that your children see that you are forgiven.

Forgive - so that they know the wonder of this grace.

Show mercy, and support your children in their efforts to behave – so that they see how the Spirit supports you.

Love unconditionally – so that your children experience God’s love every day.

Read God’s word – so that your faith is strengthened.

Pray – and know that God fills the gap. 

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. (John 16: 33, RSV)