Talking with Goats

This is one of the cutest clips I have seen in a while. Watching this adorable baby and goat almost makes you think they are actually communicating. 

Almost, but, no.

I have begun using this clip in presentations when I talk about what children need in terms of relationship building and how that is impacted by technology. Children need real time with real people, anything else is like talking to a goat.

Developmental psychologist use the term "serve and return" when they talk about infant learning. A child coos at mom and gets a coo and some interaction in return. This back and forth is a primary point of learning and is essential to healthy development. Children need to talk with, complain to, argue with, and even learn to tease, parents in this dance of conversation. 

God built us to learn from each other and it all starts with interaction.

When we spend time on technology in the presence of  our children we are giving several negative messages:

1. I am busy.
2. I am unavailable to you.
3. What I am doing is more important.

Children don't  need your attention every second. They can certainly survive a necessary phone call or an adult conversation. However, children need  to know  that you are available. They need you to model healthy behavior such as "humans before technology." And, children need the frequent and incidental interaction that is significantly reduced when humans are looking at screens.

A lack of interaction can create a sense of scarcity. When we experience a scarcity of something we really need, we tend to focus on that need. If children are not interacting, everyday with their parents, in small seemingly insignificant ways, they might feel this sense of scarcity. What will they do to replace that interaction? They might turn to technology to feed that need.

But relationships with technology is like serve and return with a goat. It is interesting for a while, but it does not substitute for human -- especially family -- interaction.

By all means, show your children the blessings of technology, but when you are with your children, put the phone down. Establish some tech free times during your family day so every family member is encouraged to interact with each other. This interaction, even the smallest interaction, even the less than satisfactory interactions, and especially the interactions that you would never want to post on social media, are more important than we can imagine.


 

Parenting Technology

Technology has many benefits but it has its downside, too.  Our children do not know a world without apps and screens. Yet, their brains need other stimulation in order to improve their ability to learn. Playing a learning game on a tablet computer may teach a few skills. Whereas playing outside, building a fort, negotiation a game, or reading a book, will train the brain to be a better learning machine.

Child experts recommend parents limit screen time. However, child experts are not in our homes with us arguing with our children about why this is good for them.  Instead of stopping children when they have reached the end of their allotted time – require them to do other things first and then allow them all the time they want to play video games.

For example:

• 30 minutes of reading 
• 30 minutes of  house cleaning or yardwork 
• 30 minutes of practice (music, sports, drawing, building, writing) 
• 60 minutes of out-of-your-seat, and out-of-your-house play

(Be sure to adjust the list to accommodate different ages or different preferences in your family.)

There are several reasons why this system has a good chance of success. 

If/then  If /then plans are a form of negotiation. Such plans tell your child that you understand what they want and make it clear what you want. Allowing your children to renegotiate can be a good thing. Just stand firm on the amount of time and the issues you consider to be most important.

Delayed gratification  This is learning how to put off something you want to do while completing something you did not choose to do. As it turns out this skill influences both academic learning and life success. It teaches children how to focus and plan while learning to wait for a reward.

Self-entertainment When children spend less time complaining about not having anything to do they spend more time doing one of the activities assigned and suggested.  Now they are more likely to get hooked on a creative activity or a healthier activity such as outdoor play. Now we have a better chance of reducing their screen time.

When we parent we are rarely teaching one thing at a time. We teach in layers. Think about how you can add in faith teaching to this model with Bible study time, family devotions, Bible picture books, or perhaps journaling. Let your children know what is important by showing them what to put first in their daily schedule.

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart ad with all your soul and with all your might.  Deuteronomy 6:5

Tech as a Tool

You may have seen this young lady on the TV show Shark Tank. This is her Kickstarter video. 

I am posting it here because the clip shows us several great uses for technology and gives us an opportunity to evaluate how technology is used in our families.

Here is what I like:

Technology is used as a tool. This is technology at its best when it is serving a purpose other than entertainment. Too much screen time can lead to problems such as obesity. When we remember that technology is a tool to help us learn, or solve, or design, then it is easier to keep screen time in check.

Technology is used to improve empathy. One of the downsides to spending hours playing violent games is that empathy development takes a hit. Children who play violent games can be less likely to care about other people. This may not be a problem for every child, however, each hour spent with a game is one hour not spent with a friend, sibling or parent.

Technology is used for problem solving. In a school system that values high stakes testing children do not do as much problem solving. They tend to do more problem answering and that  is just not the same. Technology can be used to help a child find a problem to be solved, research possible solutions, and arrive at answers. 

Spend some time talking with your spouse and children about technology use in your home. Keep track of how often the computer, tablet, or phone is used as a tool and how often it is used as entertainment.   

What tips and/or solutions work for your family?

Parenting: Reclaiming Family Time

Do you need to reclaim family meal time? Check out this clip.

I love technology. I love the things it can do, the way it makes our life easier and more interesting. I love the way it can be used for teaching and learning.

But, I don't love technology when it takes over important family time. 

We don't need to get rid of technology, but it is worthwhile to tame it back so that our children and teens can develop the skills necessary to be happy, productive members of our world. 

Here are three times of the day when you can set technology aside to allow for cognitive, social and faith skill development:

1. First thing in the morning. Technology use should come after other important things are done. Do not let it keep your children from being ready for the day. After they are dressed, school supplies gathered, and have spent some quiet time reading a book or devotion, then the technology can make its first appearance of the day.

2. Mealtime.  At least one meal of the day should be family time without technology (that includes television). Mealtimes are important opportunities to share stories, to learn problem-solving skills, to learn social skills and to share faith. These skills cannot develop if they are interrupted by games, commercials, calls, texts, or Instagram messages.

3. Bedtime. Technology use right before sleep can make it difficult to fall asleep. When the phone, tablet, or television is turned off, the brain can begin to process the events of the day. Bedtime also offers a unique time to check in with your children or teenager. A quiet bedtime conversation can often reveal what weighs heavily on the mind. Even fifteen minutes to talk and pray with your child will give a strong message that you are available.

Allow yourself some time to rest from technology. Especially if that time is spent with family and in faith sharing.

And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” (Mark 6: 31, ESV)

Parenting: Technology

As an early childhood teacher of many years and a student of cognitive psychology, this picture makes me more than a little nervous. It is not so much what the children are doing - technology is a part of our world and they are exploring and learning.

What bothers me is what they are NOT doing. They are not moving around, they are not breathing fresh air and integrating sensory information, they are not talking, they are not playing with each other. All of these activities are essential for healthy development and learning.

It is interesting to note that when Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, was asked how his children liked the iPad he responded: "They haven't used it. We limit how much technology our kids use at home."

I am not one of those who believe that technology ruins brain development. I believe that technology encourages a different kind of development. 

I am not one of those who believe that technology stifles creativity. I believe technology can inspire as much creativity as crayons and paint - you just need to find apps that give the equivalent of a blank piece of paper instead of a coloring book page with lines. 

However, I do know that God's plan for how children learn has not changed because we have developed technology for even the youngest among us to use. Children still need to talk, to run around, to create things with found objects, to imagine they are someone else. They need to sing, shout, and argue. They need to make mistakes and get into trouble. They need to problem solve and learn to get past failure.

They need to play.

Technology is great, but don't let it replace childhood.