Beginning of the School Year Blues

The beginning of a new school year is an exciting time. It involved new clothes, new school supplies, and possibly new friends. The very things that make this time exciting can also make it challenging. 

A change of classrooms, teachers, or schools can bring on anxiety. Even for older children a new situation can mean changes in long-time friendships, or the emergence of a previously coped with learning issue like staying organized. With all of the excitement of the new school year it can be difficult to sort through what challenges are temporary and what needs to be addressed. However, there are good things parents can do in the meantime.

1. Be open to interaction. This means that the screens (phones, tablets, computers, televisions) should be set aside. This is the time for many short, but important, conversations that help your child to think through anxiety and challenge. They need to be comforted, to brainstorm ideas, and to get feedback. Be available!

2. Identify emotions. This is not the time to assume that your child is correctly identifying emotions. For example, worry can easily morph into fear, and jealously can be mistaken for anger. You will help your child to regulate emotions if you help them to understand the appropriate emotion for the situation. Be attentive!

3. Encourage resolution. Ask your child to think about possible solutions before you start making suggestions. Give feedback, but sometimes it is best to let them try their solution first. Be supportive!

Children do not gain confidence from winning at a stress-free life or from having their problems solved for them. They gain confidence when they struggle and cope with challenges. Children develop resilience when the learn that God has given them people who are there to help.

Parenting: Reframe the Situation

This young man wishes for the days when he lived the carefree life of a four-year-old. Check out his sad, sad, story in this clip.

When our children experience failure, disappointment, stress, or betrayal they often feel as if the world might end. Children lack the perspective adults have. They have not lived the adage that “this too shall pass.” They only know the grief of this moment. We might think that teenagers, with more life experience, would be able to have a richer perspective, but often they do not. Perhaps this is because they are adjusting to recent changes in the brain that allow them to see the world from different eyes.

This is one of those times when we want to be careful to avoid reinforcing inaccurate thinking with piles of sympathy. We don’t want to laugh or offer to fix things.

Instead, we want to help our children reframe the situation, or help them find a better perspective. We can do this with a simple two-step approach: empathy and thinking question:

 

I am sorry to see you are so unhappy. What could you do to make things better?

I am sad to hear you are frustrated. What do you think your teacher wants?

I see you are angry with yourself. What can you learn from this?

Today feels gloomy. When were you sad in the past? Did you feel better the next day?

Take your children by the hand when they walk through tough times. Share your faith and remind them that God loves them and has a plan for them to grow and learn. 

Memorize this verse so it is in your parenting toolbox. This promise is for parents, too!

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18, ESV)