Parenting: Sports

Two minutes of tips for being a "good sport" parent.

There is a ton of great information for sports parents stuffed into this 2-minute clip. Leslee Brady from Positive Coaching Alliance gives great advice for parents of children involved in sports. Here are three hints she gives on how to be a “good sport” parent:

1.       Watch another child than your own.  Okay, this may sound weird because you come to the game to watch YOUR child. But, it is good advice to follow every once in a while because it gives you the kind of perspective a coach has. It helps to reinforce that the event is about the game and about what the players learn – it is not just about your child.

2.        Learn when to discuss the game.  When your children are young, they don’t want to discuss the game and analyze every move and play. They are at a level where everything is new, and they learn as much as they can during practice and play. As you child gets older, he or she may appreciate discussing the game – but even then, sometimes we just let the coach handle it and as parents play the part of encourager.

3.       Ask how the team did. This is especially good advice because it is a reminder to both parent and athlete that teamwork is the goal. This line of questioning will encourage empathy by encouraging your young athlete to think about others. Empathy will make your child a better teammate and a better athlete.

Leslee Brady’s best advice comes when she reminds us that our children learn most when they fail and struggle with challenges. It is important that we foster learning – instead of shame – during these difficult times. This kind of learning builds resilience which is an important life skill.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5: 3-5, ESV

Parenting: The Value of Persistence

You can’t beat an adorable baby clip, but this one has important things to teach.

Couldn’t you go on watching these two cuties? What is so fascinating about this clip is not so much what these sisters do, but what they don’t do. They don’t cry, they don’t call for mom, they don’t give up. Instead, they persist.

The ability to persist is thought to be a temperament trait from birth. Persistence is an important part of personality. People who persist are more likely to learn, more likely to solve problems, and more likely to be successful in life.

While some children may be naturally more persistent, all of us can learn persistence.

How do you handle difficult problems? Do your children see you trying different solutions and contemplating the situation? It is good for you to share this process with them. For instance, you can talk about a problem you are working on, or a skill you are trying to develop, and let them see, and hear, about your struggles and successes.

How do you handle things when your children are frustrated? If you swoop in and rescue, you are teaching your children that they are not capable. If you over-comfort, or allow them to give in too soon, you may be teaching them that struggle is to be avoided.

Struggle is how we learn. 

Persistence is how we make progress. 

Solving problems makes us smart. 

In fact, persistence is so important that researchers recommend that parents look for ways to praise effort, struggle, and persistence instead of performance.

The parable of the persistent widow is a great Bible story for when your child struggles. The most important lesson on persistence is to be persistent in prayer and trust.

And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. He said, “In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’ For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, ‘Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.’”  And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. (Luke 18: 1-8a, ESV)

And just a few verses beyond this story is this beautiful promise:

Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." (Luke 18: 15-17, ESV) 

Parenting:The Value of Struggle

This mama duck is patiently watching her ducklings climb the stairs. When I watch the video I get a strong urge to assist these little ones in their struggle. 

I love this example of a parenting lesson from nature. Take note how mama duck shows her own brand of empathy. She waits patiently, occasionally showing the way and then coming back, until all of her children are safely up the stairs.
  
Take note of what she does not do. She does not help them. She must know they can all make the jump with a bit of effort. I suspect that she would not have taken that path if the stairs were too much of an obstacle. Because she knows they can do it, she does not offer help.  

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me. (Psalm 139; 1-5, ESV)

This mama duck knows where they have been and where they are going. As in the psalm, she hems them in behind and before. She knows that part of caring for them is to let them struggle. They need to know that they can overcome obstacles or they will not survive.

Part of caring for our human ducklings is to stand and watch them struggle. We would much rather swoop in to rescue, but, if we do this we create two new problems.

Rescued children do not learn as much as challenged children and the lessons they do learn are not as strong. There is nothing like having to wrestle a bit with a problem to really fire up the neurons. A struggle teaches you about how to conquer the current problem and it teaches you how to conquer future problems.

Rescued children get dangerous messages. They learn they are not capable enough to solve problems on their own. They learn that struggle means you are less competent. They learn to fear challenge. 

We want children to know that with God they can solve problems. We want them to know that everyone struggles and if you do not struggle, it means you do not learn. 

We want children to embrace challenge.

We want children to know that their God knows them, knows their life struggles, and hems them in behind and before. They need to know that God has His hand on them, even when they struggle.

 
Be a mama duck. God has this under control!