Good teasing bad teasing

No one wants their child to be bullied, but sometimes children have a hard time seeing the difference between bullying and teasing. While some teasing can lead to bullying, other kinds of teasing are a healthy part of child to child interaction.

Good teasing is called pro-social teasing and it is playful and fun. Such teasing means the recipient is included in a group as the teasing serves as a code for friendship and bonding. It can also be a playful way of airing differences.

Bad teasing, sometimes called anti-social teasing is a way to purposely hurt or humiliate someone. It is often excused away as “just teasing” but can lead to bullying if it continues over time.

Use the chart above to help your child to distinguish between good and bad teasing. Teach them to walk away from anti-social teasing and don’t let them get away with using it themselves. Children should know the difference between laughing with someone and laughing at someone. They should also be held accountable for stopping any teasing – and apologizing – if the teasing was not received in the way it was intended.

Learning this skill means your child has learned empathy and such kindness is the result of their God-given faith.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Galatians 5: 22-24

"No Rules" play

This school in New Zealand instituted a “no rules” policy on their playground. Children are allowed to climb anything, build whatever they please, and drag all manner of objects to school for public use. 

An inspection of the playground produces numerous hazards in the form of sharp objects and big sticks. It is not unusual to see children climbing in trees taller than the school building. Teachers watch, but are not allowed to intervene.

It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, but the result is a significant drop in bullying and fewer injuries than when the playground had rules. In addition, research conducted at the school shows that student confidence is up as is their ability to concentrate once back in the classroom. Teachers also note an increase in older children stepping in to settle arguments before they become fights.

God built our brains to assess risk. Children need practice in assessing risk in order to learn how to do it. If we protect children from any risk, we deny them the opportunity to learn. 

When, as parents, we try to create a perfectly safe world for our children we are turning parenting into a substitute for God. We cannot keep our children perfectly safe. God knows our children will meet with danger so He designed them to be able to learn from mistakes along the way.

Sometimes we need to step aside and let God do the parenting.

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Creative or cruel?

Clip of an interesting discipline technique

So what do you think of this discipline technique? Was it creative? Was it effective? Was it cruel? Would you use it?

I like the idea of disciplining based on the principal of empathy instead of merely punishing an incident. These parents understand that their child needed to learn empathy not just be punished for a bullying incident. 

I like that the discipline was a teaching experience instead of simply a punishment that has little connection to the behavior.

I like that the discipline was not done out of anger or revenge, but for the purpose of teaching.

But I am not sure I would recommend this to other parents.

 

What do you think?