Showing posts with label rewards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rewards. Show all posts

Monday, August 26, 2019

Reward Right

Using rewards is a common parenting technique and one that can work quite well.

It is important to remember to use rewards sparingly so that you don't train your child only to do things when there is a reward. Many of the things you want to teach your child are life lessons such as compassion, conscientiousness, generosity, and faith-building. If you reward these things, you run the risk of destroying their natural desire to do them. 

Likewise, if we always reward a child with a reward that they may like, but one that may not offer any other benefits, we are missing the opportunity to do more. For instance, rewarding a child with video game time gives them only passive entertainment. 

Consider some of these options of things to do with you that provide a reward and also some physical or social-emotional health benefits:

1. Baking
2. Reading a book
3. Playing a game outside
4. Completing a puzzle
5. Attending a play
6. Building, sewing, or creating something
7. Doing something kind for a neighbor
8. Contacting a grandparent for a visit
9. Surprising a parent or sibling with a note they will find later.
10. Creating something to give to friends

When we interact with our children, we improve their language, emotional regulation, and social skills. We also have the opportunity to share our faith. These small interactions will build a strong relationship with our child that will reap benefits long after the video game has been forgotten. 




Weary Joy: The Caregiver’s Journey
Concordia Publishing House
Available September 24, 2019
https://www.cph.org/p-32540-weary-joy-the-caregivers-journey.aspx 
Words of humor, encouragement, and faith for those who care for a loved one.




 

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Parenting: Rewards

When working with children, rewards can seem to be a miracle tool for increasing good behavior. Just find a valued reward, set it up as a promise, and then watch it work to turn your child into a happy sibling, a willing reader, a joyful chore worker. There does not seem to be a downside.

Except when research shows us otherwise. 

This study, completed in India, used rewards to encourage better school attendance. They found it backfired. When the study was complete, the students either reverted to old habits or showed even less interest in good attendance. This study is not the only one of its type to show these results.

The sad thing is, rewards may work in the short-term, but in the long-term they can do more harm than good. If you are encouraging highly valued behaviors in your children, it is better if you stay away from rewards.

If you want your child to be a reader -- read with him and talk about books he is reading.

If you want your child to enjoy athletics -- play the sport with her. Attend her games and give her encouragement.

If you want your child to get good grades -- show him how to organize his day to give priority to studying. Recognize the good grades when they happen, but focus on the effort put in to earn them. 

If you want your child to develop a habit of faith -- attend church with her on a regular basis. Read scripture together and pray together. 

In the long run, intrinsic motivation, motivation that comes from inside, is not easy, but it is the best. 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. (Psalm 32:8, ESV)